Bartalk with Lumi Androvic Muzio

Okay so basically there’s this guy right and it’s kind of…

Wait, do you wanna get more beer?

I’m still working on this one.

Can I go get one?

Yea yea

Hold your thought…



*comes back*



Ok so I was saying about this bridge thing, right. This comes from the conversation I had. I have this friend. And he is sort of not really going anywhere with his life.

He’s not going anywhere? But he’s what, 19?

No. He’s about thirty. And um. I hang out with him sometimes. He’s not really friends with anyone else I know. But he was doing a degree first in history and then in education of history. And he has sort of been struggling for ten years to finish his degree and he finally got to his last year and he was teaching at a school like a primary school history to some kids. And when he talked about his job just describing it and this degree you know, without me asking him about what it means. He would speak about it in this way you know he liked the kids, had funny anecdotes about the kids. He loves history, talks about history all the time just off the top of his head, random fucking shit man but then, we’d be alone you know. And I’d be helping him clean up the bar or whatever and we’d be drinking and then I’d start to press on him. And I think he’s someone who doesn’t think about his life too much.

I like him. Maybe a bit too much, but I like him.

And I was just asking him so what does this mean then? And he was like actually you know what? I can’t do it. I’m gonna drop out. And I’m like what? You’ve got two more months of school. He’s just like, no I just don’t think I can do it. I don’t know why but I don’t think I can do it and I think I’m just gonna go full time at the bar. And I just.. That’s where he lost me man. This was like a year ago now.

And you haven’t seen him since?

I have. We see each other occasionally, maybe once a month. And. Then this terrible thing happened where he was playing football and he got an injury. A really bad injury to his knee - he’s not a professional footballer he plays for fun.

At the end of the summer, like during the summer. And basically he had just dropped out of school and was about to go full time at the bar and then he couldn’t even walk for like months and months and months. And I totally lost touch with him.

Because I just saw him like, you know, whatever. I texted him at some point like hey I haven’t seen you in ages what’s up?

He told me what was up. And then, I saw him again a few months ago for the first time and we’ve seen each other a bit more recently I guess.

We had this conversation about what we’re gonna end up doing and we came to the conclusion we’re both gonna end up under a bridge you know. And joking about who’s bridge is gonna be better you know. Gonna end up being a metaphor for the worst case scenario of your life. The bridge that you’re gonna end up under.

He’s like well my bridge is gonna be a fucking crate of beer and some fucking chips and a little transistor radio with the football on in the background. And I was like well my bridge is gonna be a bag of some coloured chalks in it so I can draw on the wall and you know I might also have a couple of CDs there and a little thing where I can play off of it. Maybe I’ll hang out with some other people under that bridge and we’ll talk about how we ended up there and you know. Maybe philosophise about why the world is cursed and maybe how we’ll get out of this situation even though it’s never gonna happen you know. That’s the kind of conversations we’re gonna be having under my bridge!

And you know then he’s like well under my bridge I’m gonna have some fucking tools and I’m gonna fix up whatever junk I find on the street and you know I’ll get some kind of enjoyment out of that ultimately. I’ll never be able to fix something but could take me anywhere. You know. Might be a kids bike so I can’t really ride it you know.

That’s what I think about sometimes. Think about everything going to shit. All the plans you made, even the plans to compromise your life you know. To stop your degree and to stop following something because maybe you’re thirty and you realise what you’ve been doing this whole time actually isn’t for you.

And then you’re like I’m gonna do this and then suddenly your leg goes or boom you randomly have some kind of cancer and you gotta get treatment for it. 

And where are you gonna live while that happens you know? You gotta move back in with your parents or you know maybe your job is gonna pay you for the sick leave maybe it’s not. Maybe you have a relationship for a few years and then boom something fucking goes wrong. And you find out they’ve been cheating on you this whole time, you thought you were gonna have kids with that person I mean then what? You know.

You have to sort of build your life in this way, maybe that even in the worst case scenario you can still see things being alright.

But then I think maybe I see a little bit too much romance in this idea with the bridge. You know.

Yeah, I don’t think it is anything to romanticize.

And as someone who is just sort of ok with things just going to hell and just sort of… Wallowing a little bit but also just making peace with normality. And maybe you have a a couple of friends that you see sometimes. Or you get to have a few beers if you enjoy that. Maybe you go to the movies sometimes you know. You see something cool and then talk about it afterwards. I don’t know.

I like this guy right. But, I also don’t know maybe I’m too ambitious for that, you know. What do I like about someone who..

Well you’re just romanticising because you listened to too much Tom Waits and saw too many Jim Jarmusch movies and too much Kaurismäki.

That’s possible but I think there’s also something beautiful just inherently in like not being too ambitious, not fighting tooth and nail to be the best at anything. I’ve never tried to be the best at anything.

And also. I look at my parents and they’re both brilliant people. Really. Two of the most intelligent, friendly people ever. I think that they objectively could have done more with themselves you know. Maybe my mother could have tried to publish more. She›s brilliant, she writes brilliantly, she talks brilliantly. She’s such a good thinker. But she teaches at this online university and her career never went anywhere big. But she seems relatively happy.

Same with my dad you know. He didn’t really get to be a musician like he wanted to be. Or do something that really interested him. I think he would have been interested in being a historian or something. Or some kind of writer. He also tried to write a book once and he spent years writing it and then he hated it and he didn’t let anyone read it. You know. But...

They’ve never showed me an example of like you’re gonna be happier if you are the best at what you do and if you have this ruthless path to success.

Yeah yeah, but that’s also good because that’s having realistic expectations.

I don’t really see anything tragic about that though. I think there’s something beautiful about that. That you just get to live your life and if you set it up sort of nicely and you know they have each other. And they have me and my sister who are like sort of alright you know like. You sort of do stuff. And they’re sort of proud of us, you know?

If the chains to your ankles are not that bad then you just keep dragging them. If you can withstand it. And then maybe you are happier than if you compromised everything and shot through the fucking top you know. And burnt yourself out. Or realised that you lost a lot of other valuable things along the way. So I mean, for me, I have no aspirations in that way. Of course I have aspirations to do the things that I enjoy. But I don’t see it in the way of like if I pursue this art path it’s got to be successful you know. Or if I do academics then I’m gonna end up being a best-selling author. Maybe I just get to do it and that’s enough. 

Also with the privilege how do you use that to the best of your advantage? Maybe to the best of your advantage is that you don’t have to beat everyone in the race because you already won in a lot of ways just by being born you know. But then you always fall in love and you end up justifying people’s behavior you know. 

And then nothing really comes of it obviously because then you’re the aspirational one for pursuing a dream. Maybe someone’s dream is being a bartender and chatting to the people that come in and smoking inside after hours you know and just getting to do that every day. Maybe having some kids and sending them to school and stuff and then that’s your bridge. But it’s not that bad you know it’s a cute one.

Who knows man. I probably shouldn’t pursue that either.