Photosynthesis of the Soul (Rising in Beijing)

Another time I was hunting you...

Beijing Daxing Airport, the 25th of February 2025, 11:35 am.

Burnt the midnight oil with the sole goal to enjoy the first glow of your soul. Is it an addiction? A challenge? Maybe love?

00:30am
I touched land in the Northern Megapolis. Twelve hours, two targets. Dandan noodles and an encounter with the love of my life. I jumped on the express night bus driving towards the heart of the city.

4am
Thanks to the massive size of the city, it is not a difficult mission to find some all-night eateries, compared to European capitals. With two hours to spare, I filled my steaming bowl of noodles with an indulgent amount of pickled string beans, intending to snack on them while immersed in my novel. The novel I was deeply drawn to was On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous, written by Ocean Vuong. At the corner of a page, I stopped, stumbled, was astonished and fell upon two sentences mentioning my dear lover:

“It must suck to be the sun, though. Cause you never see yourself if you’re the sun. You don’t even know where you are in the sky. Like you don’t even know if you’re round or square or even if you’re ugly or not. Like you can only see what you do to Earth, the colors and stuff, but not who you are.”

This quote is an awful depiction of a soul close to my heart. Even questioning the beauty of the guiding star seemed like blasphemy at that exact moment. Even though the situation felt strangely comedic, I couldn’t help but to open my mouth, letting out the breath of a suffocated laugh. I was dedicating my night awaiting something or someone I could never look at with my bare eye. How could I know if it was pretty? Ugly? Would it matter that much?

5am
With a garlicky breath and a full belly, I was Parisian walking (walking to a pace faster than 6km/h) the vast distance that separated me from the city park where, with all the grace I could muster, I hoped to grasp some answers to my interrogations. Time ticking, it was a one-shot action. If this opportunity was missed, all of these efforts would have been in vain.



06:30am
Jingshan Park. A yellowish drop hovered at the tip of my nose; and on my pinkish cheek was a tear, almost unnoticed on the numbed skin stretched over sharp bones. And there it was. The immensity of the world. As the day’s first glance touched the ocher roof of the Forbidden City.

I felt like a grain of sand. A single, ridiculous grain of sand. And even though, I was overwhelmed by gratefulness. Content. In a total trance of limerence.

“It’s only when you’re closest to the end that you realize the worth of living. Even if insignificant, the pleasure of the first rays of sun will always be free. I adore life.”

10am
Restless and ascended,
I rushed to the airport,
Slapped by reality.